Wednesday, June 12, 2013

I Am Human

Christmas 2010 I received a very thoughtful, very long, hand-written letter from my best friend. At 9 pages front and back, and given to me about a week before I left for college, she gave me an amazing piece of advice, “you are not Superwoman, don’t try to be.”

Two and a half years later, I am learning the significance of her admonition. I have now been enrolled in 8 consecutive semesters, maintaining a minimum of 16 credit hours for 7 of them, and being employed, (both paid and unpaid positions), for 5 of those terms. During this time, I have also been on 51 first dates, been in 3 serious relationships, and made the best friends I’ve ever had. Sounds busy, huh? There’s more.

 I am a dance minor, and have participated in 3, invitation only works of choreography, which I don’t get credit for and don’t get paid to be in. They take a minimum of 2 hours of rehearsal a week. For credit, I’ve been on a team called Dance Alliance for 4 semesters, which rehearses between 6-8 hours a week regularly, though sometimes we can rehearse in upwards of 20 hours a week.  We also travel, sometimes during the school week. Just like your favorite infomercial I can say, “But wait, there’s more!”

Just over a year ago my parents began the divorce process. As if trying to work through and understand my thoughts and feelings about it wasn’t challenging enough, I broke my foot about a month later. I was taking 20 credit hours at the time and working 10-15 hours a week.

I pushed through it. Just like I push through everything else.

I tried to be Superwoman.

I don’t claim to be wise. I don’t claim to know all of the answers. But one thing that I’ve realized is that the key to happiness is recognizing that you are human.

That’s right.

I am human.

And I struggle with human emotions and human problems.

I get frustrated. I get hurt. I get angry. I cry. I get jealous. I make stupid mistakes. I. Am. Human
It’s okay to feel frustrated. It’s okay to be hurt. Making mistakes is part of life, an area that I am particularly proficient at. It’s by reminding myself that I’m not perfect, and that I won’t be overnight, that I have been able to not only accept myself, but also accept others. I am realizing that I can’t measure someone by a standard which I myself cannot, or have not, achieved.

Don’t tell my dad, but I think it’s okay, healthy even, to skip a homework assignment every once and a while. I dropped a class for the first time in my life. Most liberating feeling, ever. Sometimes you have to take a moment for yourself. The “me” moments. Sometimes it’s being silly. Sometimes it’s crying. Sometimes it’s treating yourself to a mani/pedi. (Which I want like crazy right now).  Sometimes it’s giving into those moments when you just don’t want to do anything.

The fact of the matter is. I don’t want to do homework. Which is why I wrote this blog. 

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